The height of your fence

My wife and I recently purchased a new home. It is by far the nicest place I have ever lived since leaving my parent’s home in 1998, and a generally good fit for my family. It is a new home, in a new area, in a new subdivision full of new people. Nice people. Stroller pushing people. Bringing over an apple pie people. Young, bright and vibrant families not so different from mine. I only say this to illustrate the fact that I have felt in no way intimidated, threatened, unsafe or undermined. Yet, the first thing to come out of my mouth once we had unpacked all of the boxes, hung up the clothes, hooked up the electronics, and ventured outside to enjoy the backyard was, “I tell you what, as soon as we settle in, the first thing we’re going to do is build a fence.”

Build a fence. Not soon after I uttered that seemingly rational, red blooded, logical, and productive statement, did my wife say, “I don’t think that we should build a fence.” Not build a fence? Is she crazy? Fences are what people build. They are our first line of defense in invasion and our last line of defense in escape! They are necessary. To keep in all that is good and to keep out all that is unknown. Dangerous or otherwise, it is worth the minuscule risk of being wrong. Men have been building fences since man has determined the positive effects of owning real estate. I was going to build a twelve foot tall fence topped with prison grade razor wire, if the covenants allowed it. Residence, or penitentiary, We NEEDED a freaking fence.

Her basis for not building a fence, and i quote: “I want our neighbors to be able to say hi, or walk on over if we are outside with the kid’s, or. . .(insert whatever motherly activity you desire)” As silly as it sounded at first, she had a decent point. We had met out neighbors, they were great people. They had already been over several times in the short time that we had lived there. Our kids played with their kids, my wife hung out with his wife, and they keep their yard in great shape. Why keep them out? They would never come over if we weren’t outside, let alone not at home, and if they did it would be to slay any would be trespasser. But I wanted a fence. I just did. At least an 8 foot privacy fence, preferably cedar, with a single nails spacing in between the boards, if i wanted to mow the grass in nothing but my socks.

However, the next day I began to realize that my wife unknowingly executed a tremendous lesson covering one of the greatest fallacies of relationships, business, innovating, creating, and life in general. Fences do one thing well: They keep people out. And more often than not, they keep out far more of the people you need to be letting in, than the people you really should be keeping out. I thought back to the moment that I removed the fence from my professional life.

I was working on an extremely complex and proprietary display technology. This was not the first project that I was executing behind my fence, but it proved to be the last. As I toiled away, behind my fence for the umpteenth time, attempting to thwart any better funded thieves, any less innovative copy cats, any unscrupulous partners, or any loose lipped acquaintances, I succeeded in doing much more than I anticipated. I alienated potential investors, quality team members, helpful vendors, and willing advisers; not to mention my wife, parents, friends and mentors. Yes a fence can be a wonderful tool, but more often than not it becomes a hindrance to success and more importantly a means of unhealthy disconnect.

After years of hiding behind my fence, in writing, in music, in inventing, in relationships, and most other areas of my life in which I sought success, I decided to tear it down. It was too tall, too foreboding, and too effective. While working on my latest concept, Ideabreaker.com, I have done 90% of the work in comfortable openness. Sure, I have kept the proprietary, and technical aspects close, but not from those who have more of in interest in me than in the product. My wife has been a terrific asset in comfort and strength, my parents have been invaluable resource as a sounding board and a leveling agent, and my friends and advisers have helped to pave the way for something truly ground breaking through research and corrective criticism. That is brings a feeling of true security, a security that produces, instead of consuming.

As for the backyard, it is still getting a fence. A nice, short, and inviting one of the picket variety, with a number of easily accessible gates. You would do good to replace yours as well.